Break up hurts
It sucks
My heart hurts
The thoughts of missing my ex was getting stronger
I need to let this thought out of my mind so I can focus on what I need to move forward in life
I saw my ex in dance class
I noticed how beautiful she was
I was reminded of why I went after her
Hoping that she were the one for me, or at the very least give it a try
When I first met her, I knew she was very different
I didn't quite feel connected with her naturally
Something was missing from the very start
I could never put my finger on exactly what it was
I pressed on anyway and tried my best to go after her
As time goes on, it was apparently clear on what it was
The cause was: Lack of deep conversations
The only time when we have deep conversations is when we text with words
When we were doing that, you made me feel that you openly express your thoughts and want to understand mine
When we had those deep conversations in text, my heart moved deeply, I thought you were the one for me
If we ever talk on the phone, I just didn't feel that deeper sense of connection compared to when we text at night
I desperately craved for the deep conversations, the deep listening
It's impossible for me to have level 10 deep conversation by just sharing how I feel by myself
Any tiny rejection in these moments will feel like a knife stabbing my heart
Opening myself up need a strong level of comfort and intimacy
It's also very difficult for me to find someone who could do that for me
Perhaps it's difficult because I haven't found the right person
When I am with that person who could do this easily, maybe life would be much easier
No need to teach a fish to learn how to climb a tree
I understand we can fix things
There's only so much we can fix before these behaviors confronts your very core identity
There's only so much you can change too before you naturally go back to your default behavior
I feel terrible for leaving because I cared deeply about my ex's feelings
I finally made the trigger to leave because my heart was empty
Her feelings do not matter when my heart was completely empty, void of love
I began telling myself "I love you" in front of the mirror
My face was covered with endless amount of tears and runny nose
This felt like a homeless man in front of my own mirror begging for love (money)
Breaking up was the right thing to do
No matter how lonely I felt at the moment
I must let go of what is not serving me,
A girlfriend who does not know how to listen does not serve me
A girlfriend who does not express love using words does not serve me
Moving forward
I am not going to value lady's feelings over mine
It does not serve me at the slightest long term
It never does, it just make me like a bitch while boosting their ego to a point to never care about me
I need to place importance in myself
The best way to attract women is to NOT put them on the pedestal or center of your life
Your first priority is your life, your deepest purpose core desires
For me is to have the "Fuck You" money so I'll never have to answer to anyone or any society status quo
I'll have the ultimate freedom money can buy
I will have less problems to worry about
No women ever want to be with a man who does not have a goal or purpose
Extra side note...
If a girl is afraid of me changing because of money, she does not serve me neither
I will never let a girl's fear of money hold me back ever again
If a girl is afraid of me leaving, she does not serve me neither
I will never let a girl's fear of break up hold me back ever again
Anyways....
Until I can find someone who is able to listen deeply
I will just keep doing me
I already wrote on my blog on how to love me
The secret key to my heart is deep listening
Keep looking, never settle
On next blog:
I will write about re-wiring my old faulty lifelong belief and insecurity as a nice guy in relationships