Break up hurts

It sucks

My heart hurts

The thoughts of missing my ex was getting stronger

I need to let this thought out of my mind so I can focus on what I need to move forward in life

I saw my ex in dance class

I noticed how beautiful she was

I was reminded of why I went after her

Hoping that she were the one for me, or at the very least give it a try

When I first met her, I knew she was very different

I didn't quite feel connected with her naturally

Something was missing from the very start

I could never put my finger on exactly what it was

I pressed on anyway and tried my best to go after her

As time goes on, it was apparently clear on what it was

The cause was: Lack of deep conversations

The only time when we have deep conversations is when we text with words

When we were doing that, you made me feel that you openly express your thoughts and want to understand mine

When we had those deep conversations in text, my heart moved deeply, I thought you were the one for me

If we ever talk on the phone, I just didn't feel that deeper sense of connection compared to when we text at night

I desperately craved for the deep conversations, the deep listening

It's impossible for me to have level 10 deep conversation by just sharing how I feel by myself

Any tiny rejection in these moments will feel like a knife stabbing my heart

Opening myself up need a strong level of comfort and intimacy

It's also very difficult for me to find someone who could do that for me

Perhaps it's difficult because I haven't found the right person

When I am with that person who could do this easily, maybe life would be much easier

No need to teach a fish to learn how to climb a tree

I understand we can fix things

There's only so much we can fix before these behaviors confronts your very core identity

There's only so much you can change too before you naturally go back to your default behavior

I feel terrible for leaving because I cared deeply about my ex's feelings

I finally made the trigger to leave because my heart was empty

Her feelings do not matter when my heart was completely empty, void of love

I began telling myself "I love you" in front of the mirror

My face was covered with endless amount of tears and runny nose

This felt like a homeless man in front of my own mirror begging for love (money)

Breaking up was the right thing to do

No matter how lonely I felt at the moment

I must let go of what is not serving me,

A girlfriend who does not know how to listen does not serve me

A girlfriend who does not express love using words does not serve me

Moving forward

I am not going to value lady's feelings over mine

It does not serve me at the slightest long term

It never does, it just make me like a bitch while boosting their ego to a point to never care about me

I need to place importance in myself

The best way to attract women is to NOT put them on the pedestal or center of your life

Your first priority is your life, your deepest purpose core desires

For me is to have the "Fuck You" money so I'll never have to answer to anyone or any society status quo

I'll have the ultimate freedom money can buy

I will have less problems to worry about

No women ever want to be with a man who does not have a goal or purpose

Extra side note...

If a girl is afraid of me changing because of money, she does not serve me neither

I will never let a girl's fear of money hold me back ever again

If a girl is afraid of me leaving, she does not serve me neither

I will never let a girl's fear of break up hold me back ever again


Until I can find someone who is able to listen deeply

I will just keep doing me

I already wrote on my blog on how to love me

The secret key to my heart is deep listening

Keep looking, never settle

On next blog:

I will write about re-wiring my old faulty lifelong belief and insecurity as a nice guy in relationships