We have all been there in relationships

Everything goes great then some big problems happen then relationship is over

You guys are breaking up

Bonds are cut

Hearts feel the pain

This is when you feel a great deal of painful emotions

Some are so intense that it would leave you crying for days and be sad for potentially months

While it is ok to experience all these pain, it is NOT ok to go back to your ex

There are many reasons why it won't work out

Going back to your ex is like you trying to win a lottery

The potential upside is very attractive, like winning the million dollars

Many often forget about the huge downside which is super high chance of failure

The odds are stacked against you

It's way better to move on rather than to waste your time to go in the never ending cycle of make up and break up

You want to go back because of emptiness and loneliness

Break ups create a period of void

It is a period of emptiness where you have to get use to being by yourself again

You got so used to your partner being a part of your life before

Now you have to be all alone

You want to go back to your ex because you miss all the good times you had together with your ex, almost like a drug

You want to go back to your ex because you don't want to experience the pain of being alone

You want to go back to your ex because you are lazy to finding a new partner and building new relationship

It takes a lot of time and effort

Why going back with your ex almost never work out?

1. You guys cannot handle each other on worst case scenario

One reason why going back to a broken relationship never works out because you and your partner are not able to handle each other in the worst case scenario

This simply means that on bad days, it gets so bad that breaking up is the outcome

We all have our ups and downs, good and bad days

If you go back to your ex, you and your partner will experience the bad days together once again and if this happens once, it is likely that you guys will break up all over again

When break up happens the first time, it is more likely that it will happen again because trust is extremely fragile

When trust is broken once from a break up, it is most likely it will be broken a second time

2. People don't change

You broke up with your ex, or your ex broke up with you

You or your partner have a reason why it didn't work

"I don't feel loved"
"You cheated on me"
"You never listen to me"
"I can't be myself around you"
"You get angry over the little things"

Whatever the reason is, it is the result of clash of personalities

One of the partner would say

"I am sorry that I was wrong. I can change. Let's try this again"

It almost never work out this way

People don't really change if at all

Even if they do, it will take a slow but gradual change before the change becomes permanent

That process takes about at least a year

The real question is, are you willing to wait at least a year for your partner to change for the better?

Within that year's time, it is likely that the worst case scenario will happen once again

The choice is yours

3. You have different values

Each person has a different set of values

It is the backbone of who we are

No matter how great you get along with someone, if you and your partner have conflicting values, you guys will not be together long term

If you value family and wants to have kids while your partner values independence and don't have to have kids

No matter how well you get along, the topic of kids will split the couple apart

If you value growth and your partner fears growth because it makes her feel insecure

No matter how well you get along, one will feel getting held back by the other, another will feel increasingly insecure

Just like personality, it is hard to change a person's value

If you go back with your ex with conflicting values, one is compromising for the other

Are you willing to compromise yourself for the sake of going back to your ex?

Then eventually find yourself unhappy for no reason due to the compromise?

You decide

So don't go back to your ex

People don't change

Values don't change

Personalities don't change

The worst case scenario, break up, happened and it is likely that it will happen once again

Although there are success stories of couples going back, but there are far too many that failed. It is better to just move on and find a better match next time

No matter how much it hurts, you have to move forward

1. Ignore, block your ex if you have to

Avoid any negative stimuli that causes you to remember the past

It will take some time before you heal and you will

During this healing time, here's what you can do:

2. Reflect on your mistakes

Think about the reasons why it didn't work out

Critically assess yourself

Write down what you did well

Write down what you didn't do so well in

3. Improve yourself

The irony is that, the bigger the pain, the more you are willing to change and improve

If you go back to your ex, you will be too comfortable and have no reason to change

You'd have no reason to change because you don't feel the pain

Most of us are silly human creatures and we don't want to learn the easy way

Because of that, we are forced to learn it the hard way, through pain and suffering

Take advantage of this painful break up times and improve on list of things you need to improve on

Use what you have reflected on #2 and take action on it

This is the hardest and the most important part

This is how you will move forward

Final note

Life is all about ups and downs

It is inevitable that we will all experience some form of break ups one way or another

Remember to keep your head up and it is encouraged to not go back to your ex

There's a high chance that it won't work out

You would waste a lot of time and extra energy

It's better to just move on

Ignore your ex

Reflect on yourself

Take actions to improve on yourself

The sun will rise again after your darkest night

You will be better prepared for your next partner