It is great to learn the techniques on how to listen
You now have all the tools that you need to become a better listener
What you need now is to practice, and practice often
After a while you will notice there's a general flow within listening sessions follow
How do you create that flow? How do you navigate through it?
This is where we will talk about today
We will first review each listening techniques and purpose, then learn to piece each of these techniques together when listening to someone.
Quick summary of each listening techniques
All of the core listening techniques have been introduced. Here's a summary of each technique and purpose of them:
1. Discovery questions
They are the conversation starters, the questions that asks for more information.
"How are you"
"What has been on your mind lately?"
The purpose of these questions are to discover topics that you could continue with and dive deeper in
Pauses are simple yet super effective. They are simply just shutting up and be super quiet for 4-5 seconds after others have finished talking before continuing.
The purpose of pauses are to make sure other person finishes his thoughts completely. Chances are that they are not done talking. Pauses will allow them to finish their thoughts, continue the conversation without interruption and introduce more potential topics to talk about
3. Deep questions with Why
Deep questions are "Why" questions that targets the topics others. They are the most important questions that will lead to quality meaningful conversations.
"Why were you sad lately?"
"Why do you hate laziness?"
The purpose of deep questions are to move away from the surface conversations and discover other people's 'real self'. The more why questions you ask the close you can get to their 'real self'. It is there you can understand them the best and build the most amount of trust.
4. Summarize what others have said
Summary needs a lot of attention to other people's words and paraphrase it your own words.
"There's so much to do and so little time. I just wish I can have all the time in the world so that I can have enough time to get to do what I love which is painting"
"You are saying that you are super busy and you wish to have extra time to paint, something that you love"
"Yes! And also... (continues on to other topics)"
Summary has 2 purposes.
- Build trust with others by letting them know that you have been listening and understanding them.
- Invite others to continue and share a deeper and more personal story or thought